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But the program of action, though entirely sensible, was pretty drastic. WebSo Bill and Hank Parkhurst (The Unbeliever in the first edition) went to Cornwall to see Blackwell. When many hundreds of people are able to say that the consciousness of the Presence of God is today the most important fact of their lives, they present a powerful reason why one should have faith. In the past, Ive seen numbers ranging Show him your copy of this book and tell him what you have found out about alcoholism. When you have carefully explained to such people that he is a sick person, you will have created a new atmosphere. We think this method of approach will accomplish several things. At midnight he came home exhausted, but very happy. Your man may be trusted. I couldnt do that. But you can. I had always believed in a Power greater than myself. Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. In the following chapter, there appears an explanation of alcoholism, as we understand it, then a chapter addressed to the agnostic. The other day an approach was made to the vice president of a large industrial concern. After all, had he not been sober six months now? It means release from care, boredom and worry. I pointed out that I had had nothing to drink whatever for three years, and this in the face of difficulties that would have made nine out of ten men drink their heads off. I have seen men come out of asylums and resume a vital place in the lives of their families and communities. Perhaps your husband has been living in that strange world of alcoholism where everything is distorted and exaggerated. He is straining every nerve to make up for lost time. The majority have never returned. Then you and your husband can get right down to fundamentals. If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic. They struck the children, kicked out door panels, smashed treasured crockery, and ripped the keys out of pianos. He is always more or less insanely drunk. Said the future Fellow Anonymous: Damn little to laugh about that I can see.. If he owes you money you may wish to make terms. He has helped other men recover, and is a power in the church from which he was long absent. Wasnt it because self-reliance failed us? From that point on, progress will be rapid. A kindly act once in a while isnt enough. If possible express a lack of hard feeling toward him. Being certain he wants to stop, you can go to him with this volume as joyfully as though you had struck oil. He will feel he can deal with you without being nagged by his family. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Why could they not see that drink meant ruin to them? When a discussion does arise, you might suggest he read this book or at least the chapter on alcoholism. Still another experience: A womans voice came faintly over long distance from Virginia. Here is a brief account: Years ago, in 1935, one of our number made a journey to a certain western city. Well, so had I. Perhaps there are some cases where the utmost frankness is demanded. But he will be curious to learn why his own convictions have not worked and why yours seem to work so well. Father will necessarily spend much time with other alcoholics, but this activity should be balanced. Be quick to see where religious people are right. He told how he lived in constant worry about those who might find out about his alcoholism. Simply we tell him that we will never get over drinking until we have done our utmost to straighten out the past. The employer cannot play favorites, but he can always defend a man from needless provocation and unfair criticism. Try to remember that though God has wrought miracles among us, we should never belittle a good doctor or psychiatrist. You may spoil your chance of being helpful if you do. This may seem severe, but it is usually the best course. Avoid answering these inquiries as much as you can. In most cases it was found that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships (including sex) were hurt or threatened. Alcoholism may be causing your organization considerable damage in its waste of time, men and reputation. For example, look up POWERLESS. In a weak moment he may take your dislike of his high-stepping friends as one of those insanely trivial excuses to drink. Liquor ceased to be a luxury; it became a necessity. You, as well as your husband, ought to think of what you can put into life instead of how much you can take out. He had lived there but a few weeks when he found that the place probably contained more alcoholics per square mile than any city in the country. If we have carefully followed directions, we have begun to sense the flow of His Spirit into us. Permit that and you only harm him. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. Wholesale pricing is available on case lots of 18 books. Next day we would ask ourselves, in all earnestness and sincerity, how it could have happened. But sometimes you must start life anew. The very practical approach to his problems, the absence of intolerance of any kind, the informality, the genuine democracy, the uncanny understanding which these people had were irresistible. It crowded out all else: This man recounts that he tumbled out of bed to his knees. We have made our demonstration, done our part. If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right- about-face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. In this way we tried to shape a sane and sound ideal for our future sex life. A good soldier is neer forgot It is open, we believe, to all men. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Social distinctions, petty rivalries and jealousies-these are laughed out of countenance. But life was not easy for the two friends. 
If he is conscientiously following the program of recovery he can go anywhere your business may call him. This experience may come to you. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? Had we not variously worshipped people, sentiment, things, money, and ourselves? Tell him you have been worried, though perhaps needlessly. Fear gripped him. He need not, and often should not show it to his alcoholic prospect. He is worried at times, and is becoming aware that he cannot drink like other people. We realize we know only a little. PO Box 381 I stood in the sunlight at last. He suffered horribly from his sprees, but it seemed as if nothing could be done for him. Down the lobby a door opened into an attractive bar. In a matter of fact way he told how two men had appeared in court, persuading the judge to suspend his commitment. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. There had been much happiness after all. So cooperate; never criticize. There is no friction among us over such matters. That wont hurt him a bit, even though he does not go for this remedy. The family must decide these things. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. As I crossed the threshold of the dining room, the thought came to mind that it would be nice to have a couple of cocktails with dinner. There is every evidence that women regain their health as readily as men if they try our suggestions. When a person offended we said to ourselves, This is a sick man. Your husband may be willing to talk to one of them. For we are now on a different basis; the basis of trusting and relying upon God. There is a real interest, both humanitarian and business, in the well-being of employees. Patience and good temper are most necessary. Without saying so, they may cordially hate him for what he has done to them and to their mother. Most editors wouldnt recommend going over 80,000, as it will inspire bad taste among readers. I have never seen one single case recover, where that state of mind existed to the extent that it does in you. Our friend felt as though the gates of hell had closed on him with a clang. Of course it was. When your prospect has made such reparation as he can to his family, and has thoroughly explained to them the new principles by which he is living, he should proceed to put those principles into action at home. You can be quite hopeful of a situation like this. Everybody believes them without a murmur of doubt. I was aghast. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of Gods will into all of our activities. Then we were severely criticized by our husbands parents for desertion. We have told innumerable lies to protect our pride and our husbands reputations. One night, when confined in a hospital, he was approached by an alcoholic who had known a spiritual experience. In many homes this is a difficult thing to do, but it must be done if any results are to be expected. I knew then. I cant understand it., For an hour, the two friends told him about their drinking experiences. God had restored his sanity. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. There was no doubt he over- indulged. I ruthlessly faced my sins and became willing to have my new-found Friend take them away, root and branch. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. We hope you are convinced now that God can remove whatever self-will has blocked you off from Him. You may have the reverse situation on your hands. Do not let any prejudice you may have against spiritual terms deter you from honestly asking yourself what they mean to you. I cant go through with it. Do not be discouraged. How often have some of us begun to drink in this nonchalant way, and after the third or fourth, pounded on the bar and said to ourselves, For Gods sake, how did I ever get started again? Only to have that thought supplanted by Well, Ill stop with the sixth drink. Or Whats the use anyhow?. Many times I have gone to my old hospital in despair. Small wonder many in the medical profession have a low opinion of alcoholics and their chance for recovery! It takes some of us a long time to outgrow that serious handicap. That very night, years ago, it disappeared. It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. Your man will fare better if placed in such physical condition that he can think straight and no longer craves liquor. You should warn against arousing resentment or jealousy. He got in touch with a prominent psychiatrist who had undertaken certain responsibilities for the mental health of the community. So he inquired, what did our friend have on the ball? They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. It is harder to go to an enemy than to a friend, but we find it much more beneficial to us. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends- this is an experience you must not miss. Still another difficulty is that you may become jealous of the attention he bestows on other people, especially alcoholics. Some of us grow into it more slowly. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? He subsequently denied having received the money and used the incident as a basis for discrediting the man. New acquaintances who know nothing of alcoholism might be made and thoughtful consideration given their needs. But what we have related is based upon experience, some of it painful. Some day we hope that Alcoholics Anonymous will help the public to a better realization of the gravity of the alcoholic problem, but we shall be of little use if our attitude is one of bitterness or hostility. A community thirty miles away has fifteen fellows of Alcoholics Anonymous. If not, it had better be found out right away. It was fun to carom around the exclusive course which had inspired such awe in me as a lad. Also, grammar has been changed in some cases, as well as, the numbers cited have been changed Overnight, as it were, he is a different man. He is positive he can handle his liquor, that it does him no harm, that drinking is necessary in his business. Bill's Story and Dr. Bob's Nightmare and the personal experiences of some alcoholics are detailed as well as the series of solutions which evolved to become the twelve-step program. He becomes a religious enthusiast. He should understand that emphatically. Resentment grows. While you need not discuss your husband at length, you can quietly let your friends know the nature of his illness. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. To you, some of the ideas which it contains are novel. I saw that my friend was much more than inwardly reorganized. So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. We are sorry for what we have done and, God willing, it shall not be repeated. Seeing your attempt to understand and help, some men will try to take advantage of your kindness. I sat down at a table and ordered a sandwich and a glass of milk. Though the family does not fully agree with dads spiritual activities, they should let him have his head. It didnt work. Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action. For those who are unable to drink moderately the question is how to stop altogether. We admit we have some of these symptoms, but we have not gone to the extremes you fellows did, nor are we likely to, for we understand ourselves so well after what you have told us that such things cannot happen again. Tomorrow was another day. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. What sort of thinking dominates an alcoholic who repeats time after time the desperate experiment of the first drink? But try and get them to see it! This may lay the groundwork for a friendly talk about his alcoholic problem. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. In a vague way their families and friends sense that these drinkers are abnormal, but everybody hopefully awaits the day when the sufferer will rouse himself from his lethargy and assert his power of will. You will be most successful with alcoholics if you do not exhibit any passion for crusade or reform. Nothing would please us so much as to write a book which would contain no basis for contention or argument. They need the counsel and love of a woman who has gone through what you have. There they were told that the book would probably be only about four hundred pages when printed. She will want to know who the woman is and where she is. Here, for instance, is a typical example: An officer of one of the largest banking institutions in America knows I no longer drink. Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself ? As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way. 
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. We have seen the truth demonstrated again and again: Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety, we are in a short time as bad as ever. As animals on a treadmill, we have patiently and wearily climbed, falling back in exhaustion after each futile effort to reach solid ground. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. And then, with a better motive, had we not worshipfully beheld the sunset, the sea, or a flower? This means a new attitude and spirit all around. Sometimes it is to the best interest of all concerned that a couple remain apart. He is violent, or appears definitely insane when drunk. WebThese are the changes that have been made in the program portion of the Big Book (the first 164 pages and the roman numeraled pages) since it was first published on April 10, 1939. We shall do our utmost to achieve that ideal. Using the links to the left, you can read the full "Using this Book" chapter or examine a sample from the book. He knows that they are real. We, who have recovered from serious drinking, are miracles of mental health. You are betting, of course, that your changed attitude plus the contents of this book will turn the trick. For years, I had been programming computers to process free-form text (sentences and words). He is unable to focus on anything else. You should not be offended if he wants to call it off, for he has helped you more than you have helped him. When possible, avoid meeting a man through his family. He is striving to recover fortune and reputation and feels he is doing very well. The reader may still ask why he should believe in a Power greater than himself. After making our review we ask Gods forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken. Stress the spiritual feature freely. We have indulged in spiritual intoxication. The fact is that he should work with other people to maintain his own sobriety. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. People like you are too heartbreaking. Admit that he probably knows more about it than you do, but call to his attention the fact that however deep his faith and knowledge, he could not have applied it or he would not drink. Your new courage, good nature and lack of self-consciousness will do wonders for you socially. If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol. 
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